Fun with Windows

So, I read today that the deadline for downloading a prerelease of Windows 7 expires... today. I figure, hey it's free, let's give it a spin, what's the worse that could happen.

Six hours later... well, it's working now at least. But when the install disc doesn't work because Microsoft went "flaah" and Apple went "flooh" on one standard or another, and when the Boot Camp drivers don't install at first because the damn thing has its dick so far up its own ass it chokes to death upon orgasm, well all I can say is FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK (etc, etc. For the full effect, bang your gonads between an iPod and a Zune).

Also I may be sleep deprived, which now that I think about is a rather nice and self-resolving alternative to getting drunk.

Lag is Epic.

So I was sitting about, pondering the interest that marks me amongst other nerds as That Nerd: World of Warcraft. Specifically, world events. World events in olden times has consisted of such things as a massive supply drive, the capture of a beachhead on a hostile island, and the invasion of zombies across the globe. The latest world event, however, does not bear the gravitas of its forefathers. And while there are many possible explanations for this lightweightedness; the lack of involvement with the progress of the event, the abrupt shift of gears from god-slaying to pony-riding; there is one underdog of a reason which I believe is the true reason.

There's no lag.

When you are fighting unspeakable evils and you have maybe maybe a five second window to react to it before your game returns to its slideshow sluggishness, then that is tense. And when everyone else in render distance is experiencing the exact same slowdown, then that is unifying. And when you manage to finally take down a gigantic fuck-off bug-thing despite this, then that is awesome. It's a point where gear doesn't matter, skill doesn't matter, and computer capability doesn't matter. All you have to do is show up and persevere.

But when your involvement in world-changing events boils down to two daily quests that don't oh god damn it i am complaining about world of warcraft what the hell fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i am not one of those retards i swear oh fuck me in the doorhinge

UrbEx in The City of Cin beyond The Fourth Dimension

There is a faction of people in our culture today that enjoy Urban Exploration, the peaceful infiltration of abandoned buildings for the sheer sake of curiosity. This is easy to relate to, at least for me. The quiet, tense joy of being where you are not supposed to be; the wonder of discovery and exploration in a local place, the familiar-yet-unfamiliar feel to it all.

There is a problem with this pastime, however. Namely, you cannot explore buildings that no longer exist. The two solutions to this problem are to be very alert about the overall state of abandoned buildings in your city; or to have a time machine. Being me, the obvious solution is to have the latter. But, if one has a time machine, why just visit an empty building? Why not compare their peaks with their troughs, their doldrums down the ages, their very birth and demise?

Therefore, if given a culture in which time travel is safely and widely integrated (i.e. you will be arrested and tried for killing your five-year-old grandpa), there will be a faction of people engaged in UrbEx across the fourth dimension. And there will be a sub-faction that specialize in malls. Why? Because of structures like this: Cinderella City.

One of the last products of '60s culture, revamped for the '80s, left to die for most of the '90s. The cultural information you could gain from watching this place throughout the decades could fill a small library. But it's never enough for some to merely observe. No, you have to explore it for yourself. It's not really historical research if you don't eat the food, wear the clothes, and have the black plague cleaned out of your system when you get back.

So what happens? Dead mall walkers happen. (These are people who walk 'dead' malls, not mall walkers who are zombies or similarly reanimated corpses. Both have great potential for stories, but I did not write all of this to trudge face-first into the idea of a parody of Dawn of the Dead.) People who have specialized immune systems that prevent diseases from spreading outside of their designated timeframe, computer-accessible video and audio recorders integrated into their eyes and ears, and a natural sense of curiosity. A fair amount of acting skills or social malleability are good to have as well.

Simply suit up in the attire of the time, maybe even buying more appropriate pieces from the local shops (if and when they exist), spend the day wandering about like an idiot, then quietly slip off to an out-of-the-way restroom or locker bay and bing off back to your own time.

"Oh!" you might say, "It's just a shopping mall, surely there are better places for historical observation!" To which I retort, yep. You have a huge swath of professional historians to dig around at the places of truly great and noble time, especially if your civilization has time travel at its disposal. So, who ends up being dead mall walkers? Amateur and aspiring historians, tourists that like to quietly laugh at the more primitive fashions, or bored people who heard about the activity through the media and wanted to give it a go just to say they did.

…I don't actually know where I was going with all this.